My "24" Week

For those of you that watch the show "24" you know that Jack Bauer is some sort of robot/terminator/who never dies and he fights the forces of terrorists/evil doers. Well, during the last 24 hours I have been a "Jack Bauer" of sorts.

The following content is for a mature audience who can handle hearing about bodily functions......You've been warned!

So on with the story. Monday night Damon woke up puking. I would normally be the one getting up every hour or so, rushing into the room and stripping away all soiled bedding and what not. It was weird...I barely even woke during each puke session and when I did there was no rush or adrenaline to get to my sickly son. Luckily Josh was up for the task. So dad took care of Damon the whole night.

When Tuesday morning hit, Josh was tired but off to work he went and I got to clean up all the puke sheets, pillows, cloths, etc. (the "fun stuff"). Damon still wasn't feeling fantastico but the puking had stopped so that was a good sign. I carried my sicky son downstairs for breakfast and felt a REALLY warm spot on my hip while I carried him. I set him down on the stool for breakfast and saw a large wet spot on my shirt. I thought, "Maybe it was a chew mark from Olivia or Joel. Those two like to chew on my shirts." I had almost convinced myself it was just a chew shot, when I went in for the smell. Oh doctor.....that was not a friendly little saliva spot.......that was some runny thunder from down under. I immediately carried Damon to the bathroom but the contents was much worse than I had hoped and so I had to carry him upstairs to my shower where he had to strip down and clean up.

Tuesday continued on with Damon having 1 more "accident," which landed him in the shower for a thorough cleaning. After that he seemed to be feeling better even though he kept asking for medicine and saying, "OOOhhhhhhhh, my tummy doesn't feel good!" Which I would reply with the command of ............"Hurry and get to the bathroom Damon!"

So I thought Tuesday was bad until Wednesday came.

By Wednesday Damon seemed to be on the mend and all was back to better at the Hunsaker house. After my meeting for/with Joel, we went to pick-up Olivia and Damon from Granny's house. Damon was asleep when I got there which was very bizarre. Granny said that Damon had told her, "he wasn't feeling good and that he had puke-bugs in his tummy, so he just wanted to rest." She sent the kids home with their own applesauce snacks which they were all excited about. (Funny what kids get excited about). So as soon as we got home the applesauce was inhaled as they waited for me to make them all waffles for lunch. And after that everyone started getting crabby and tired. So Olivia & Joel took naps and Damon watched a combination of SpongeBob, Litttle Einsteins, and DogFights.

The afternoon wore on and I was enjoying the quiet when Joel woke up. I snuggled with him on the couch but then he got fussy and then it happened. Puke spewing from his little mouth all over me. Uuuhhhhh, it was disgusting and as much as I wanted to turn him away from he so I wouldn't be covered in any more of it, I thought, "the damage is done to me, I don't want to have to clean it off of something else too." So I was covered in the lunch of champions as I walked Joel slowly over to the kitchen sink. (I didn't want to walk fast and leave a trail behind me). He was sad & upset as I washed him down in the kitchen sink, but I hurried to get him all cleaned up. I think I was in denial that Damon's "Puke-Bugs" had gotten to Joel but once I got some clothes on him and he puked all over them as well, I was convinced that the fun had just begun.

With Joel it was a little harder because he doesn't tell you whats coming. Damon would say he didn't feel good or head for the bathroom. Joel just got upset and then kept up the harf n' barf routine.

When Josh got home he said he wasn't feeling well. "Great! Hopefully it's just a headache or the result of little sleep/stress," I was thinking to myself. Since it was one of those freak nice-ish days in Oregon we all went outside to get some fresh air. Damon was feeling good and finding clues in the forest where the surveyors had left colored ribbons. Joel was having a good time because he always loves being outdoors and Olivia rode on dad's shoulders so she was pleased as punch. (whatever that means......but she was happy).

Once we got back inside the house Josh set Olivia down on the kitchen counter top and she puked. "Awesome.....now Joel has a buddy and I have double disgusting duty!" Then Joel decided Olivia couldn't have the last puke and so he had to up his game by puking all over himself. Josh was getting more and more nauseous by the second and the smell was getting to me. My laundry room was turning into the PUKE-PIT and I just wanted to keep the laundry going in fear that the smell would permeate through the whole house. Oh it was nasty.

If Joel was following in his brothers footsteps then I was hoping that he had filled his puke quota of the evening. After the shower Joel just went into shut down mode and didn't want to move. Every time I picked him up he would just snuggle on my shoulder in hopes that his little body could just somehow attach to mine. Unfortunately I was the only non-sicky adult so I had to take care of everyone else and that meant detaching from my Joel. I put him in his bed (with towels spread out everywhere for an easier clean-up), talked to him for a little while and he went right to sleepy land.

With Joel down it was off to the next sicky......Olivia. Josh had gotten Olivia asleep but hadn't prepared himself very well because within minutes she puked all over our bed. I cleaned her up and Josh stripped our bed down of all puke saturated materials. The new sheets went on and so did an arsenal of towels for Little Miss Pukey. Soon everyone was asleep and I was listening to my washing machine taking care of business.

So I thought Wednesday was bad until Thursday came.

2 AM, Thursday morning I woke to the sound of one grown man puking like I've never heard before. My stomach started to turn and as much as I wanted to be the compassionate wife, I stayed in our warm bed and tried to tune it all out. Olivia woke up to her daddy moaning and groaning and then reached for her favorite thing.......my cell phone. "Well someone must be feeling better," I thought to myself as Olivia proceeded on with her phone conversation. When things finally simmered down for Josh he went to check on Joel & Damon. He found Joel in the hallway (which is nothing new) but he brought him to me which made me happy. Now I got to share my bed with one sicky husband and hoped that my two little sicky babies would be sick on the towels and not on me. Luckily we have a big bed and we all fit. The kids slept, but poor Josh spent more time in the bathroom than in bed.

9 AM, Thursday morning I should have been out of bed but it was just so nice to snuggle with my Joel & Olivia. I still wasn't feeling sick and was VERY happy for that. Josh wasn't so lucky. He didn't feel any better, which means he got some kind of mutated "Puke-Bug" because all the kids seemed to be feeling better after the initial "12 hour puke phase." Poor Josh.

Olivia gobbled up her breakfast and it stayed down so that was good. Damon was still demanding that he needed medicine for his "fake forced cough." (He's only 4 and already playing the faker card). Joel & Josh took opposites sides of the couch and watched cartoons until Joel feel asleep. After breakfast I was on laundry/clean-up/disinfecting patrol.

In the afternoon I had to get into town and decided to take Olivia with me. After 2 hours I was at the final stop of the day, I thought to myself, "I should probably change her pants before we go in." Too bad and so embarrassing for me, I neglected to heed that thought. I proceeded into the grocery store. We got through the produce and I headed towards the crackers when Olivia decided to stand up in the cart. This was nothing new, but when I reached around her bottom to get my hand underneath her legs to bend them so she could sit down, a stinky yellow substance rubbed off on my white sweatshirt. I saw it, and then I smelt it, and then I looked at the back of my sweet little girl. She had a Yellow Poo Surprise for me.......yippee! I parked our cart immediately and headed outside to the car. Luckily I had put her in a onsie that morning and that had taken the brunt of the explosion, so that came off and she was able to keep her long sleeve shirt on. Her jeans were also badly saturated, but it was so cold out and I didn't want her little legs to be exposed so I wiped out the inner legs as best I could, gave her a new dry diaper, and the poo jeans went back on. (Don't judge me yet.....that was the best thing I could have done and you will agree later on......just keep reading). I used numerous wipes but I could still smell us (her pants and my sweatshirt........why didn't I take off my sweatshirt and leave it in the car, I wasn't thinking clearly I guess). Every person we passed in the aisles I swear could smell our stink, but I was just trying to get done as fast as I could. All the while Olivia is slowing me down with her, I want a drink, I want a cracker, I want to stand up, I want you to carry me games.

I was only two aisles from being completed at the grocery store when "it" happened. I stopped to get some tortillas and a family was right next to my cart. I heard a slight rumbling sound and a strange look appeared on Olivia's face as she went from standing up in the cart to squatting. Then I saw "it." Oh, yes........yellow splatter shooting out the back of her pants towards those innocent tortillas consumers The splatter landed on the ground and more came out the back of her pants. I frantically pulled the back of her pants up, almost like a wedgie, to keep the eruption of poo contained, but I failed. It just kept coming and Olivia's little face was so determined to get it all out. I even tried to pull her shirt down in the back to cover up the nasty act of baby relief my daughter had preformed. Nothing worked. I was desperate to keep it all covered up and contained. In retrospect I should have grabbed a roll of paper towels and wrapped her in them, but I wasn't mentally prepared for such a public baby blow out.

At this point I was desperate to get to the checkout and so I buckled Olivia in as tight as I could and luckily I didn't have to wait in line. As I quickly put my items up for the checker I realized the worst wasn't over yet. In all the explosions I hadn't noticed the havoc that had taken place on my own groceries. Olivia's poo splatter landed on 3 different items. "Oh no......this is disgusting, I can't have the checker touch these, that would be so wrong," I thought to myself. So I placed everything but my poo items up for the checker and then tried to quietly explain that I didn't want her to touch the items and she let me scan them trough. She then commented that she had a child as well, I think she was trying to make me feel better, even though she could smell the stench we were both giving off. Poor checker. I bagged the poo items and was relived to get to the car. I stripped Olivia down, wiped her whole body and put her in the car seat with just a new diaper on. She laughed and giggled when I was putting her in her seat (obviously she felt so relieved to be out of those clothes). I loaded up the groceries into the back of the car and then wiped down cart as well. So that was my WORST grocery shopping experience EVER.

When I got home, Damon was pumped and helped with the groceries, Joel was still my sicky slug and Josh hadn't changed much for the better. I put all the groceries away, tried to get food in everyone, cleaned up the kitchen, rotated the laundry, and got all the kids in bed. Josh took some pills in hope of getting some relief from his mutated Puke-Bugs. Olivia snuggled up with daddy and went to sleep and Damon thought he could help dad feel better by telling him a story (even though by the time he got to dad, dad was already asleep......of course he stayed in bed next to dad anyway).

And now it is 1 AM Friday morning and hopefully my "24" week is almost over. Although I haven't been fighting terrorists, I've been fighting evil......evil sickness. I've been put to the test of rapid laundry rotation, and stopping poo. I've failed and succeeded but I've learned something. Always change your children's diapers when you think about it! Hopefully that never happens again and hopefully I don't get sick.